First day of school. First day lang talaga siya.
Hindi na gaya ng dati na parang may magic kapag first day of school. Hindi na gaya ng dati na bago ang lahat. Hindi na gaya ng dati na pinaghalong kaba, takot at excitement ang nararamdaman kapag first day of school. Ngayon, wala lang. Parang wala lang. Hindi ako excited. Mas nakakastress pang isiping first day na naman kesa maging alive and uberly excited na pumasok sa klase.
You know the first day of school before? Alam mo yung amoy ng eraser, ng lapis, ng papel, ng notebook, ng libro, lahat! Ibang-iba di ba? Ramdam mo na this is going to be an exciting school-year. Parang ganun ba? Then you'll meet your old friends and classmates. You'll chat with them with your adventures nung summer vacation. The movies you've watched, the places you've visited, everything! But now? Its kinda' different. I'm tired of doing the usual school stuff. I'm tired of pushing myself to finish college with this course!
Today is June 15, first day of school and pay day! But you know what it makes me feel like I've been such a loser? Halos lahat ng sinahod ko, napunta lang sa tuition ko. Nakakafrustrate. Hindi ako happy na ang lahat ng pinagpaguran ko, sa school lang mapupunta.
I know! I know! Hindi lahat ng tao ay nabibigyan ng pagkakataon na makapag-aral. Hindi LAHAT! And I know some who are begging to their parents and relatives just to finish school. Pero, iba ang situation ko. Basta! Ang hirap i-explain. Marami akong academic conflicts. Marami akong prinsipyo na nasasagasaan at ilang ulit nang pinasagasaan.
Wala na ang magic sa school. Hindi na ako masaya. Para saan pa nga ba ang point ng pag-aaral when you're just pushing yourself to do this. Para makagraduate at magkaroon ng magandang kinabukasan? How sure? Magkakaroon nga ba ako ng magandang kinabukasan after graduation?
Ewan ko ba. Feeling ko, after ng first day of school ko, sobrang exhausted na ako. Just the thought that my next four months will be another 'sapilitan' months.
Photo Credit: www.thetutors4u.com
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